This can all be traced back to the decrepitude of Neville Chamberlain, and the eagerness with which Zasu Pitts forced her tongue and anal piles into the chamber of spinning razor blades erected by Will Geer during the first term of the Eisenhower administration. The implications of this unfortunate convergence of events is clearly linked to the dissolution of the Ottoman empire in the face of Al Jolson singing “Mammy” while syphilitic crab beings bored their way from the earth’s core to open a chain of “supermarkets” which served as nesting grounds for the ass worms that had fled Jerry Colonna’s small intestine so that he could safely appear on the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy telethon with Tony Orlando and a cattle feeder brimming with diseased smegma extracted from the bleeding eye sockets of Jerry Falwell, Jr. during a routine cataract and buttfucking procedure. Those who fail to understand history are doomed to be strapped down on an industrial smelter and forced to consume three bean salad and watch Ellen DeGeneres, while molten steel eats through their skin and muscle tissue, leaving only bones and exposed joint nerves, which are then inflamed further by a guy with some masking tape and a pointed stick. The pizza should have been here by now.
Of course, I agree with you 100% when dealing with syphilitic crab beings … if one is an expert. For the novice however, one must mention that it’s best to lay one’s dick diagonally across a laminate Formica counter-top emblazoned with an intaglio rendering of Edwin Meese’s castrated testicles being sledged into jelly by a crazed Iberian coal miner, while a leprous Balinese Evel Kneivel impersonator dives onto the glans, head-first, from atop a 60-foot ladder while wearing a Bavarian cuirassier officer’s metal Pickelhaube, so that the spike enters the glans at an oblique angle, thus ensuring the maximum amount of blood spatter. This will satisfy the strictest interpretation of the New Testament and will ensure that anyone caught dancing with the Meese testicles hanging around their throat by use of a barbed wire choker will be anally filled with five weeks’ worth of muriatic acid enemas and suffer a cut-rate Moonie butt-splitting for which they will be charged not more than $10 and not less than $5.
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