3 comments on “Gothik

  1. waldo666 says:

    I once hired Robot Monster to add on a room to the side of my house, because I wanted to get the washer/dryer moved further away from the kitchen to make a better impression when I was entertaining. I usually hosted Amway gatherings in those days, or anal fisting demonstrations for the church members who couldn’t make it when Father O’Reilly was serial raping altar boys during the Celebration of the Buttfucked Mayo Whitman Action Figure. So Robot Monster quotes me $25,000 and says he can knock it out in a month, but he wants 15% in advance before he even starts buying materials, so like a total dumbass I give it to him and then I follow him over to Loew’s to make sure he’s really buying lumber and roofing material, and instead he’s meeting up with Veepanga Rajput from the Planet Frawley and they’re conspiring a way to rig the currency market so that Robot Monster can horde and then dump Bitcoins when Donald Trump announces that narcissistic assholes will get a $34,000 tax credit if they make people in wheelchairs sit in puddles of their own urine for three months, and that to facilitate this he’s opening a new government agency for monitoring people in wheelchairs sitting in puddles of their own urine that has to make sure it really is their urine and that they’re really developing infected bed sores. This is why I don’t think President Taft is going to get out of prison anytime soon.

    • sternodox says:

      I think your analysis of the situation is correct insofar as it goes. And I don’t want to make you paranoid, but, in my opinion, the real reason Kraft Foods discontinued Jell-O 1-2-3 wasn’t because the top, frothy layer didn’t contain enough residue from the spilled rectal lube that remained on the rubber sheets after the National Federation of Republican Women finished ass-reaming themselves with the severed penises of 19 members of the board of Koch Industries. It was because the “goat semen” layer didn’t really contain goat semen at all. One taste could confirm that. Regardless of the fact it did contain a delicious amalgam of the blended aborted fetuses that were terminated five or six times a year by the infamous syphilitic drag queen, Donna Frump, and four dried moose turds, most aficionados would agree that John Wayne tearing out his own tongue by the roots and then felching himself with it while riding the short bus to church would have more than offset the lack of a coupon redeemable for half-price admission to the Keanu Spunk-Fest in Bronson, Montana next weekend. Don’t you think?

      • waldo666 says:

        I’m glad you brought this up. I called the Quality Inn in Bronson, and they told me that the block of rooms we reserved wasn’t confirmed until we give them a credit card number, and that some of the rooms aren’t equipped with rectal cavity leakage exchange pumps. This seems problematic, to say the least. Suppose I end up rooming with Gavin MacLeod again. How the fuck am I supposed to get his rectal leakage (not to mention the crust that forms around the edge) transferred into the rubber hoses leading to Orrin Hatch’s bleeding eye sockets if I don’t have an exchange pump? It’s not like that guy at the desk is any help. He’s usually jacking off to the Weekly Word News or dealing with customers who aren’t happy with the selection of Danish pastries in their shitty continental breakfast. Which leads to the question of catering. I assume the guy with the gluten free pancakes and quinoa nasal septum oat bars won’t be catering this year’s Keanu Spunk-Fest. He totally fucked it up last year, and we’re lucky Keanu will even be showing up again, assuming Melania is still agreeing to suck radioactive Dabs Greer smegma out of his gaping head wound. We need to talk.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s