I’m very sad today. Why am I sad, you may ask? It’s because of an email I received this morning regarding my blog. This person berated me, raked me over the coals, and said that my blog was an attempt at creating humor that would be palatable only to a retarded fourth-grader. If this is true (and it may well be) then I must consider myself an ABJECT FAILURE! When I first envisioned this blog I self-mandated that it would create humor that would be palatable only to a retarded THIRD-grader. I must reach deep into my psyche and mentally lambast the polysynaptic density that prevented my axon terminals from realizing I was creating humor that was a FULL YEAR more mature than was my original intention. For those retarded third-graders to whom many of the concepts contained in this blog are over their heads, I humbly apologize. For everyone else I can say, with all sincerity, YOU CAN KISS MY FESTERING ASSHOLE with lips that are injected daily with fucking EBOLA virus and YAK SPERM you fucking mangy-ass felchers of leprous Bengali rickshaw racers! You hear me you stupid motherfuckers??? EAT SALAMANDER SHIT AND DIE you brainless, idiotic, untalented, sexless, scabby, zero-dicked cocksuckers! Your mothers were all buttfucked by tree toads and your fathers were all ass-raped by rabid wolverines. GO KILL YOURSELVES!!!!!