Forensic Haiku

Once upon a time there was this one guy that liked Keanu Reeves movies and captured everybody in his neighborhood and tied them up and took them down to his secret laboratory that was in his basement. After they were all down there he started in on these experiments where he amputated all the guy’s dicks and swapped them around with surgery so that none of the guys had their own dicks any more. But this one guy who only had a tiny dick got a big one so he wasn’t too mad except that the guy didn’t use anesthesia so it hurt pretty bad. But the rest of the guys were pissed but they were all tied up and couldn’t do anything. But one guy who got his dick replaced started in cussing the other guy out and so he got pissed off and dumped cyanide pellets on the floor and shut the door and they all died. But then the guy realized he couldn’t go back in the lab because of poison gas and had to go out and rent another house with a basement. But the real estate agent told him there weren’t any houses in the whole town with basements but the guy thought he was lying and so he dragged him back to his own old house and put on a gas mask and opened the door real quick and tossed the real estate agent in the lab before too much of the cyanide gas could get out. But all the dead people in the lab had turned into zombies and started in buttfucking the real estate agent who went immedately insane because of the horror of it. And one of the zombies who had been a locksmith in real life picked the lock and got out and they all ransacked the guy’s house and found his new great dane puppies who they killed and buttfucked. Then they all ran out of the guy’s house looking for him but they ran into a Shriners parade first and they all jumped on the Shriners who were riding them little cars and also Harleys. One of the Shriners was too drunk to realize what was happening until two zombies were already buttfucking him and eating each other’s shit, but the other ones were all sober and half of them died of heart attacks from fright and the zombies threw their own shit all on them and they all came back from the dead as zombies too. But just then a school bus had its brakes go out all of the sudden and it crashed into the place where all the zombies were buttfucking all the dead and dying Shriners and throwing shit all on them. But there was this one kid on the bus who did a science project about reanimating small mammal corpses and he had a rat that was dead but he brought it back to life but it had rabies. So the rat got out of the kid’s cage just as the school bus started to crash into the zombie/Shriner buttfucking/shitting orgy and it ran up and bit one of the Shriners in the dick and got rabies saliva all in his dick and gave the Shriner rabies. But the Shriner didn’t want to have seventeen shots in his stomach so he decided to go ahead and get rabies and become a homo and buttfuck some of the other Shriners before they died at the hands of the zombies. But soon the zombies got tired of buttfucking the Shriners and made a deal with them that they could all shit on the dead kids that were in the school bus and take turns jacking each other off while they did it. But then the guy who started it all came to where all this was happening and talked the zombies and Shriners that weren’t dead yet into buttfucking him and one of them accidentally got the rat that had rabies on the end of his dick and the rat went into the guy’s asshole and bit him inside there and he got rabies and started in killing the Shriners. But the zombies still wanted some live Shriners to buttfuck and shit on so they went ahead and killed the guy. But one of the zombies only liked to buttfuck dead people with rabies so he paid the other zombies and Shriners to let him have the dead guy’s corpse but the dead guy came back to life as a zombie too and they became best friends and homos and got married but nobody would let them in a hotel or resort because of skin rotting off and rabies foam all in their mouths and shit too.

The End